


Not just a speech!

by RoRa-La (RoRa_La)



Series: Kara's secret [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Being a hero, Post S4, Secret Identity, inspiring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-20 09:09:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19373632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoRa_La/pseuds/RoRa-La
Summary: Kara is a hero. Not because she has powers or because she can hold speeches. She is a hero because she walks through fire and darkness and comes out stronger in the end.What Kara could say instead of just appologising to Lena? How can she be an inspiring hero, depite of hurting and dissapointing Lena? To look at your own darkness takes the most bravery.





	1. Not just a speech

Lena sells CatCo. Nobody knows until the new owner shows up the first day. Kara heads to LCorp to talk to Lena, but she isn’t even allowed in the building. Frowning she sends a confused text to Lena. Lena doesn’t answer. She doesn’t answer for weeks. At one point Kara loose her patience and forces her way into LCorp.

  
Kara walks in Lena’s office. „I hate you!“, is the spiteful greeting she receives „I know.”, Kara says calm. “That is all you have to say?! You are not even going to defend yourself?! You are not even going to pretend that you are hurt?!”, Lena asks angry and frustrated “Do you think I don’t hear every insult that’s whispered behind my back? I was always the outsider, the new girl, the strange girl, the annoying little brat, the freak. I could go on forever. The three years I worked as Miss Grant’s assistant she called me by my correct name once! She misspelled my name on purpose, screaming it though the entire bullpen. Do you think I don’t know that there are people that are afraid of me? That there are people that hate me? Just because I learned not to let these things get to me, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” “Oh!”, is all Lena can reply. She never considered that aspect of Superhearing.  
“That is live. Live is messy. You get hurt. You get betrayed. You lose everything. You get abandoned and scared. So what?!”, Kara asks raising her voice. She is obviously pissed but also compassionate about what she has to say.

  
“When you fall, you get back up! When you lose, you find something to fill your heart! When you get betrayed, you find a way to trust again! When you get hurt, you find a way to heal! When you make a mistake, you find a way to fix it! And when you lose your way, you find your way back! Because there is also love. There is also kindness and compassion. And I believe that, that is worth fighting for.” Kara’s voices so full of determination that she is almost screaming. She is gesturing wildly with her hands. It is the kind of speech Supergirl would give.  
“I don’t need a Supergirl speech.” Lena snarls bitter standing up and slamming her hands on her desk. Kara shakes her head. She quietly the pulls over a chair. Sighting. “It’s not a speech.” She says, gentle sitting down. Lena looks confused, by the sudden change in demeanour. When Kara speaks her eyes drift of. A far away look on her face. A mixture of fond memories, but more dominating is pain.  
“I was thirteen when Krypton was dying. My parents put me in a one-person rocket ship, telling me to protect my baby cousin. They sent me to a planet I never even heard of before. Then my pod got caught up in Krypton’s explosion. The shockwave knocked me into the phantom zone, a region in space where time doesn’t pass. I spent over two decades stuck in there. There were times I prayed that I would just die. But I couldn’t! Because I couldn’t age.” She makes a short pause collecting herself.

  
“So, the only thing left, I could do, was hope that one day I would see a living being again. I didn’t care if the people that found me would torture me. Even if they would have killed me, it would have been better. Anyone, anything would have been better than endless silence. Endless darkness.” Kara makes another pause. Lena can see shadow in Kara’s eyes. Her eyes are clouded with pain and desperation. Taking a deep breath, huddeling her hands in her lap, Kara continues.  
“When I finally crashed here, I was so lost. I was so scared and confused. I felt like I didn’t know how to live anymore. On top of suddenly having incontrollable Superpowers, I found out that my cousin had already grown up. I lost the one thing, the one thing, I had left. I lost my mission. Instead of taking me in, instead of teaching me to control my powers, he abandoned me with the Danvers. He just dropped my off at their house and left. He barely called. Almost never visited.” Kara takes a deep breath before she continues.

  
“I collected Superman articles because that was all I got to see of my once baby, now ten years older cousin. The cousin, I once swore to do anything for. The one, I promised to protect with everything I got. My parents sent me away. And my cousin just left.” Kara pause letting her words sink in. Then she continues with more confidence as she focuses back at Lena.

  
“So, to me, these words are reality. That is what got me though months of panic attacks! That is what got me through years of nightmares. Even now, I sometimes dream about Krypton burning. I dream of all the people I couldn’t save. That is what got me through Alex hating me the first two years. It’s what got me through being bullied at School. It’s what kept me from killing my classmates for how they treated Alex and me. It’s what makes me who I am!”, making another pause Kara continues with a soft but still stern voice.

  
“I know how cruel life can be. I have seen the worst of the worst and my family hurt more people that I can count. But I also believe that no matter what happens in our lives, we can always find our way back. Because I also know love. And I believe that no matter how much it hurts us, love is worth fighting for.”  
Lena deflates. She lowers her eyes and quietly. She stays silent for so long that Kara gets up to leave. When Kara places her hand on the door handle Lena speaks quietly, not expecting Kara to hear her.

  
“I never saw you.” When Kara turn around looking at her, she remembers, ‘Right Superhearing!’ She closes her eyes briefly and takes a moment to sort through her thoughts that have been running wild, ever since Kara finished. Breathing out she speaks a little louder, even though Kara would hear her anyway.  
“I never saw you. I never wanted to see you. I was always so wrapped up in my own mess, that I missed the most obvious things. I didn’t want you to be another messed-up person like me. I wanted, I needed you to be the bubbly sunshine. I needed to believe that there was someone who was purely good. I expected you to be fine, to be happy and always supporting. And you were exactly that. You gave me room to be myself. You saw me. All of me. The good and the bad. And you weren’t afraid of my darkness. You shut yourself off and were the person I wanted you to be. And when you weren’t, couldn’t, I was disappointed and got angry. I didn’t give you room to be yourself. And I am so sorry for that.” Lena finishes growing quieter to the end.

  
Lena had a lot of time thinking about everything. Analysing everything. At first, she was so angry and disappointed. She was hurt and destroyed. Kara kept reaching out. When Kara finally stopped, she was glad. That only lasted for a short time until she realised what that meant. It meant that Kara had given up on her. The one person who always believed in Lena had given up on her and it was her own fault. It wasn’t Lex or Lilian framing her, it was her own actions. In the end she shoved that feeling down, because it was easier to hate Kara, then to accept that fact that she was the one who destroyed them.

  
Kara steps back towards Lena. Stretching out her hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I ...” Lena lifts her hand to stop Kara. “No. Kara.”, she interrupts with a stern voice. “I did. You are the worst liar I ever met. Your disguise is a pair of glasses and a ponytail. I chose to believe your lies. I chose to not see the coincidences and similarities. I chose to ignore the strange comments, because I didn’t want to see the truth. Because I couldn’t face the truth. You face your emotions. You face your pain, your anger and that makes you stronger. But I shove it down into little boxes and that makes me blind.”

  
“Lena you can’t blame yourself for that. Almost nobody ever figures that out.” Kara says soft. “Lex did.” Lena says bitter. “You don’t know that. Lillian could have told him. Or Eve could have seen me slip up and told him. Or he figured out because he already knew how secret identities work. Or he could have had people spy on James or have someone in the DEO. You can’t know that.” “Well mother obviously figured it out.” Lena laughs bitter. “Not she didn’t. She knows because Cadmus kidnapped Jeramiah, when he got injured during a DEO mission.” Kara answers. “Who is Jeremiah? I never mentioned him before.” “He was Alex father.” Kara’s voice is cold. “What happened to him?” Lena asks no really wanting to hear the answer, but she need to know. She can’t close her eyes like before. Not anymore!

  
“When the DEO showed up at the Danvers a about a year after they took me in, he traded his research on Superman’s physiology and a promise to work for them in exchange for me to have and ordinary life. His work on Superman was more worth then them dissecting me. About a year later he went missing in action. We thought he was death for over ten years, but then we found out that Cadmus had him. J’onn told us that Jeremiah protected him from the former Director of the DEO, Hank Henshaw. J’onn promised to protect his family. That is why J’onn became Hank Henshaw and took over the DEO under a false identity. Jeremiah in the meanwhile made a deal with Lilian so she would stay away from Alex and me. Years later Cadmus used Jeramiah as a trojan horse to steal the alien registry. He made us believe we had our father back only for him to turn around and betray us. We have no idea if he is still alive or not. Cadmus turned him into a monster.”, Kara finishes calm but void of any emotion. Kara takes a deep breath. She shakes her head and speaks with a sarcastic tone.

  
“The great House of El. Once the spearhead of the fight against tyranny, for Democracy and for equal rights. Once one of the most honourable Houses on Krypton. My parents knew Krypton was dying and they did nothing! They just stood by. My mom even imprisoned those that spoke up! My father created Medusa! My aunt’s project was Myriad! My pod led Krypton’s maximum-security prison, Fort Rozz to earth! My mother was all too eager to banish people to the Phantom Zone. It’s only fitting that her own daughter got lost in it.” she finishes bitterly.

  
“Well that is a whole lot of shit.”, Lena states flatly. “Yeah, no kidding.” “How do you do it? How do you live with all of that?” Kara adjust her glasses. “I will always love them. They were / are my family. My parents they did what they thought was best, but they didn’t anticipate the consequence of their actions. My father died in his last minute attamed to create Argo’s protective dome. The high council actually changed. They are trying to learn from the mistakes of the past. That doesn’t excuse that they let all the other cities die. But in the end at least something good came out of that mess.”

  
Lena shakes her head unbelieving. “You really are an alien.” Kara crunches her nose half offended half, confused by the comment. “You have boatload of shit and you still happen to find something good in it.” Kara takes a deep breath.

  
“I once blew out my powers a day before an earthquake. I broke my arm in the earthquake and couldn’t do anything. That was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn. No matter how strong I am, no matter how fast I am, I can’t save everyone. I can only do my best, but sometimes that is not enough. Sometimes the world is just cruel. I can’t close my eyes to it. I can only find a way to fight for the things that are important to me.”

  
Kara steps in front of Lena and takes her hands. “You helped me in so many ways, even when you didn’t know it. Being able to be Kara, without being expected to always save the day, is so much more important to me then you realise.” Kara pauses, rolling her eyes a little before focusing on Lena for a while.

  
“Supergirl is what I can do. But being Kara, my friends, my family, CatCo, that is who I am. I don’t need powers for that, it’s just me. It keeps me human. It grounds me. So, don’t blame yourself for not figuring it out. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be hurt. You have every right to hate me for lying to you. But don’t let that stop you from being the best version of yourself.”

  
Lena blinks away a few tears. “You are so strong. You have been through so much, but instead of being full of hatred and anger, you are kind and compassionate.” Kara laughs. “Oh, trust me, I was. At first, I hated everything, everyone. I thought that earth would never be my home, but I got through it. Now I chose earth over Argo, because this is my life, my home.” Kara finishes with confidence. She shakes her head, scoffing. ”Even now, I am sure that the junkyard cars and concrete blocks could tell you quite the story.” She pauses before her voice turns soft.

  
“I know that right now it feels like there is now way out. But I know how strong you are. I know that you don’t give in that easily. I know that you will find a way even when you can’t see one at the moment. I know that you will be the best version of yourself, because…”, Kara lifts her hand to Lena’s chin. “… you my dear are on a hero’s journey.” Lena smiles weakly.

  
Kara steps away from Lena. She heads towards the door. Before she leaves, she turns around. “And besides, I do pull bullshit sometimes. So, feel free to kick my ass for it.” Lena lets out a weak laugh. “I will remember that.”, with that Kara leaves.

  
Lena plops back into her chair. She allows herself to cry. She allows herself to fell all those crazy emotions, she kept hiding from herself. Maybe Kara is right, joining a kickboxing class isn’t the worst idea.

  
After what feels forever, her emotions calm down. The emotional rollercoaster seems to slow down. Her eyes fall onto her phone. She picks it up. And types a short massage:

  
“Thank you."


	2. Drowning

Lena sits at a bar drowning her scotch. It has been an exhausting week. There were serval problems accruing at LCorp all at once. On top of that she has to plan the annual gala. Nobody cares that she doesn’t feel like celebrating. They expect the same festivities as every year. She waves for a refill.

Kara hasn’t replied to her massage. It’s confusing. One moment she forces her way into her office and tells her the most personal things and the next she doesn’t seem to care. What does Kara expect from her? Where do they stand? Weeks of noting, then suddenly out of the blue she shows up only to disappear on her again. She drowns her glass and waves again.

Of course, she could have gone to Kara’s apartment or to CatCo. But then again, she doesn’t want to run into Alex or James. They are whole another story.

She drowns another glass.

She has a good idea what expect from Alex. She doesn’t even want to think about how pissed Alex is. Kara is always Alex priority. There is not place in the universe where Alex is not going to blow up at her.

Somewhere in the back of her mind is an itch telling her to stop drinking. She doesn’t care.

She waves for a refill.

James, well she doesn’t even know where to begin.

So, no going to find Kara. She drowns her next drink. It’s confusing! It’s frustrating! She could call Kara but then Kara might not pick up and she has to hear her bubbly voicemail.

Which no! Slams her glass down. She waves for another drink. She doesn’t want to hear that!

She turns around and looks at the establishment. It’s just as frustrating as she feels. How did she even end up here? It dark only a few lights dangling from the sealing. Half of them broken. Just like she feels. There is a group of old white men in the corner. They are screaming along the music, or are they screaming at each other? She can’t tell. She spots a few broken chairs in the corner. There are two lonely figures at tables across the room.

Someone male or female she can’t tell is hitting angrily on the pinball-machine. A group of women is on a table far in the back. They are eagerly talking while gesturing wildly. Which reminds her of Kara’s passionate rambles. No! She is not thinking about Kara again! She drowns another drink.

A group of young man come in. They are casually but still impressive dressed. One of them looks similar to Mon-El. Mon-El, she cringes. That’s a topic she doesn’t even want to touch. Ignorance is bliss. Truly. She empties another glass

Maybe she can find an alien that can wipe her mind. But then she would lose the good times too! She cringes. Maybe not.

The men come to stand next to her. They get drinks. Somehow, she manages to register that they are quite drunk already. They flop onto chairs on a table not far from her. She turns back around, looking into jet another empty glass.

After a while one of the men comes to stand next to her. “What is a pretty lady like yourself doing here alone?” Lena snaps at him. “I am not alone!” He takes that as an invite to sit down next to her. “You’re right you aren’t alone anymore.” He orders drinks for both of them. She gulps down her drink. “What are you so upset about?”, he asks. “I am not upset.”, she sneers. He looks her up and down. “You’re Lena freaking Luthor.”, he exclaims breathless. Then a smirk forms on his mouth. He orders another drink for both of them. Lena stares at him. “So, what?!”, she asks sharply. He pushes a drink in front of Lena. “So, Lena. I can call you Lena, can’t I? Tell me something about you.”, Lena looks at the drink. Then takes a big gulp. “She lied to me. For years! Right to my face! Told me she was an ordinary reporter.”, Lena laughs bitterly. “Ordinary.”, Lena puffs. “Mild mannered!”, she spits out the words. “What’s ordinary about Supergirl?! Nothing!”, she spits out. She drowns her drink. She slams the glass down. “I haaate her!”, she pushes the glass away from herself. “Kara Danvers. My best friend! That’s what I though. I bet that’s not even her real name! I should ask her.”, she pulls a phone out of her bag and dials. But the man whoever he is pulls the phone out of her hand. “How about I distract you a little.”, she glares at him. “Oh, come one Lena, tell me you never when home with someone.”, she glares at him. “Giiive my phone baaack!”, she tries to reach for her phone, but only ends up falling into the man’s arms. He grabs her steady. “You look like you could use some fun. Everyone knows Lena Luthor isn’t innocent.”, he smirks. “Leeet go!” She tries to push him away, but it is no use. When did she start slurring? The man waves the bartender over and pays for both of them. “He leads her out.”

Lena falls over her own feet getting up. He holds her, so she doesn’t fall. She almost falls over again once they are out the door. She looks up when he steadies her. “You look just like him!”, she accuses. “Who?” “Mon-El. Boooyfriend. Karaaa’s”, she stumbles along him down the road.

In that moment a blond with glasses comes running around the corner. “Lena!”, she exclaims. He is shoved to the side in one motion. Kara Danvers or rather Supergirl pulls Lena into protective hug. He smirks at the confirmation. “Supergirl.”, this night turns out better then he though. Supergirl’s identity. What would people pay for that? Who knew the girl of steel hid behind pastel sweaters and a pair of glasses? No wonder she knew so much about Lex Luthor and Supergirl? She was on the inside the whole time. His world fades into darkness before he can make any further plans.

At some point Lena has the faint feeling that she isn’t on solid ground anymore. Her head starts spinning. No!

Next, she is throwing up. She faintly registers some holding her hair back and stocking her back. Mumbling soft words in hear. Once she is done, a hand holds out a glass of water in front of her. She gratefully takes it and cleans her mouth. The hand takes the glass and hands her a towel. She wipes her mouth.

She is lead to sit on a bed and handed another glass of water. She feels herself shaking her head. When she looks up, she sees Kara glaring at her. She silently empties the glass.

Her feet are cold. Looking down she notices that she lost her shoes somewhere on the way. Looking at herself further she notices that her expensive blazer is replaces with a blanked around her shoulders. Her skirt is gone and instead she is wearing pyjama pans. Her neckless and watch are gone. She cringes. How did she get here? Kara comes back with another glass of water. When did she leave? She silently takes the glass and empties it.

Then strong hands push her down on the bed she is sitting on. A blanket is placed on her. She drifts of to sleep in seconds.

* * *

Lena wakes up to an alarm going off. She clutches her temples. The splitting headache can only mean one thing, well two actually: Exhibit a she has been drugged or b she is hung over. She slaps the alarm clock that blares next to her. Looking around she recognizes her bedroom. So, the later one. Different question: What the hell happened? She spots a glass of water with two aspirin on the bedside table next to her. She reaches out and takes them, thanking whatever angle put them there. After emptying the glass of water, she slowly sits up. Thankfully someone closed her window blinds. She looks at herself. Still wearing yesterdays blouse, but her own pyjama pans. That is a good sign, isn’t it? Her jewellery is on her bedside table. Also, a good sign.

Walking into her bathroom she cringes. Did she really throw up? Then considering her headache, probably a good thing. The strange thing though is that someone was there. She has the faint memory of someone holding her. Who would care enough to hold her? Not even Lex would have done that in his good times. She didn’t have any friends left in the city. She didn’t care to make new once either. Just like Lex said she was left alone. But then who was willing to help her.

Looking in the mirror, she scoffs. “a hero’s journey.”, she looks horrible. She washes of her make-up and changes her blouse for her pyjama top at least until she gets a shower. Walking into her kitchen, she smells coffee. She finds a steaming hot pot on her stove. She looks around for whom ever made that, but can’t find anyone. Shrugging she pours herself a cup and drinks it. Sipping her coffee, she looks around again, searching for any sign, telling her who was here. It’s kind of creepy. How could someone have been in here without leaving a single trace? Her blazer and bag are hung on the clothing rag. Her shoes are neatly placed next to her door front door. She faintly remembers wondering about her cold feet. She recalls seeing her skirt neatly folded on a chair in her bedroom. Her phone, purse and keys are on the kitchen counter. It really is creepy.

She refills her cup and sits down. She slowly drinks her coffee going through yesterday. LCorp was the usually. She decides to drink a scotch in the evening. Then she headed out to walk home. Why did she decided to walk? She wanted to clear her head. Why did she go into that bar again? She was upset and wanted a drink. How many did she have? She tries counting. To many is the conclusion once she gets past five. She remembers frowning over Kara and comparing herself to broken lamps. What was going on in her head?! She seriously asks herself. She remembers seeing Mon-El. That can’t be right, can it?

She walks over to her kitchen window and looks out, trying to remember why she thought Mon-El was there.

She hears her phone signal a massage. She walks back to the counter and pears at her phone. The still light screen signals a massage from Kara. Kara? Could she have …Her cup hits the ground shattering. No! No! No! She couldn’t have! No! She did not blurt out her feelings about Kara to a complete stranger! And she most certainly did NOT tell him she was Supergirl!

She sits down at the counter placing her head in her hands. Ignoring the broken cup and coffee on the floor. Just as it seemed there was still a chance, she could get her friend. She wasn’t the fool thinking it would be the same, but she still hoped that they could have a friendship in the end. Just as Kara trusted her with the most personal things. How could she be so freaking stupid?! Kara will never forgive her for that!

She takes a few deep breaths to calm down and consider her options:

  1. a) Pretend like nothing happened. Hope that he was a Supergirl fan and won’t use it, if he does deal with the consequences later. Keep Kara as long as possible until the bomb drops. If she is willing to try and be her friend again.
  2. b) Track him down herself and find a way to do damage control. Meaning make sure he doesn’t talk. Hopping that works out long term.
  3. c) Confess everything and hope not to get obliterated. Making sure Kara will never speak to her again.



Shit! What if she already knows?! She takes her phone with shaking hands. Opening Kara’s text, she reads.

“Come to this location at 9pm. Bring sportswear.”

Attached is a set of coordinates. The sportwear means she most likely they are going to work out, but in the middle of the freaking desert?

“You are not trying to abduct me, aren’t you?”, Lena sent the text before really thinking about it.

“WHAT?! No. Besides if I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t ask you to go anywhere. You know the whole abduction thing usually is a surprise thing. That would be a turn of events tough. Imagine the headline: A Luthor abducted by a Super. Supergirl turns the tables.”

Lena feels herself calm down a little, seeing Kara isn’t blowing up at her. At least at the moment, who knows. Lena replies deciding to keep the conversations light.

“Not funny Miss! I will be there.”

“Good. I see you then.”

 Lena heads to the shower letting the water calm her down. She cleans up the coffee cup from the floor. Thinking about what to do of her Supergirl secret situations she decides to go for option b. Trying to figure it out on her own. If she can’t find a lead until tonight, she can reconsider option a and c. She gets heady and heads into work.

Walking from her elevator to her office her assistant places a coffee cup in her hand. That is new. Seeing the time see realises that she is almost two hours late. She can’t recall letting her assistant know she was late.


	3. The monster in me

Lena arrives a few minutes to 9 at the coordinates Kara sent her. But that is just it. It a desert, nothing more. She wonders around looking for some kind of clue, but apart form the road the she followed there is nothing her. Lena hears a loud boom. Supergirl lands next to her with such force, the wind almost blows Lena of her feet. “Not being gentle, aren’t we?”, she tries to joke. “Na, just misjudged the distance. Haven’t been her in a while.” Supergirl walks up to a solid rock and places her hand on it. A screen lights up. The rock turns into full gate big enough for a large van. Supergirl opens door on the side. She gestures for Lena to walk in.

“Where are we?”, Lena asks hoping to confirm her suspicions. “DEO desert facility. Watch out for the bats.” “Bats?” Lena asks not believing that a facility as high tech as the DEO has a bat problem. “One bit me!” Supergirl complains. “Whiner.” Lena replies. They follow a long corridor deeper into the ground. They come into a command centre similar to the one in the city branch. What stands out though is the ship in the back. Lena points at it. “It that a space ship?”, she asks getting closer to look at it. “It’s mine actually.” “It’s tiny. You were stuck in this for twenty years?” “Twenty-four. Come on.”, Supergirl replies. “No wonder you had panic attacks afterwards.” Lena mumbles to herself following.

Supergirl gestures to a small locker room. “You can get changed in here. I am going to inform the guards we are here.” Lena nods putting her gym bag down. She gets changed in her gym outfit.

A short brunette, wearing a military uniform, comes in going through a looker. She looks at Lena who just sits on the bench waiting for Supergirl to come back. She has to call her Supergirl in here, hasn’t she? Its feels odd knowing it is just Kara. “Can I help you?”, the brunette asks. “No thanks. I am waiting for Supergirl. She should be back any minute.” “Waiting for Supergirl to come and rescue you?! That’s quite a big fish.” She brunette teases. The brunette tilts her head. “A glass of water, two aspirin and hot pot of coffee.” “Excuse me?” Lena asks taken aback by the stranger repeating her morning. “That is all she leaves behind. It’s a fine art. Perfected down to every detail.” “What?” Lena gapes. “Welcome to the club Miss Luthor.” The brunette turns on her heels and it out the door, before she can reply.

“Lucy!” Lena hears Kara yelp surprised. Supergirl not Kara she has to remind herself. “I thought you went back DC this morning.” “Change of plans. There was a legal issue Alex wanted me to look over. I didn’t know you would be here today.” “Well change of plans. How much longer are you in National City?” “Only until tomorrow afternoon. Unless you give me a piggy back tomorrow night.” “Trying to hitch a ride?”, Kara asks. Her voice playful. “Actually, let me revise that. No! James warned me about you and long-distance flights.” “He did not!” Kara sounds offended. “Something about sharp turns and much faster than Superman. I almost threw up.” “That’s mean.” Lena can imagine Kara pouting. “You better get back to your Luthor.” Lena hears some steps. Lucy calls out again. “Hey Sups, let me know when you hear from my sis. She is infuriating, but well I love her anyway.” Kara laughs. “Oh! Yeah, I know. You do not get into an argument with Louis Lane. I’ll call as soon as I hear anything. Breakfast tomorrow?”, “Sure.” Lena blinks a few tears away. It’s hard to hear, that Kara asks Lucy to get breakfast the way she used to be asked. Kara doesn’t need her. She would be fine without her. She could easily replace Lena. Lena is still lost in her thoughts when Kara stick her head in.

“Ready?”, she asks. Lena gets up. “Just take your stuff with you.” Kara says before Lena can ask. Lena takes her bag and heads towards Kara. Once she can see Kara fully, she realises that she is not wearing her Supersuit anymore. Instead she wears a dark blue DEO uniform. Her hair is in open and she doesn’t wear her glasses. It’s an odd mixture between Kara Danvers and Supergirl. Lena looks her up and down twice blinking. “Is something wrong?” Kara asks. “No, just I am not used to see you like this.”, Kara shrugs and leads the way to sealed door. She presses her hand on the panel next to the door. The panel recognizes her as Supergirl and the door opens. The training room has a round platform in the middle. Lena places her bag next to the wall. Kara fiddles with some controls on the wall. The room lights turn a green shade. Kara jumps on the platform. Lena follows her. “What are we doing?” “Punch me.” “What no. I am not stupid.” “Punch me.”, Kara tells her again. “No, I like my fingers very much.” “Fine.”

Kara huffs and punches her straight in the face. Lena raises her arm in reflex. She very ungracefully manages to deflect Kara’s fist from her face. “Kara! What the hell?!”, she yelps, but before she can do anything Kara’s other fist connects to her shoulder. She stumbles back.

Looking at Kara unbelievingly. “You ghosted me for weeks.”, she yells at her. Kara swings at her again, but this time Lena doges her. Kara spins around having to catch her balance. That is when Lena’s brain finally catches up to what is happening. She shouldn’t be able to deflect Kara’s punch. But she did. She sees the green lights. And the dots finally connect. Just in time so she can side step Kara. Then she pulls Kara’s arm to use Kara’s momentum and thrust her forward. Kara stumbles forward past her grumbling to herself. “Finally.” Seeing Kara stumble, she realises this isn’t, Kara hurting or threatening her. This is fair fight. A fight in which she actually stands a chance. Kara adjust her stance facing Lena again, but before she is ready Lena kick her in the stomach. ”That’s for lying to me!” Kara gowns. Then doges Lena’s next punch. She steps around to Lena’s closed of side. Lena turns back to Kara, but Kara’s food it in her stomach before she is ready. “That’s for hiding Sam and lying about the Kryptonite.” Lena cringes internally. “The bullets totally missed me really!” Lena kicks back, but this time Kara block her kick with her harm. Lena stumbles over, but quickly catches herself. She takes a breath remembering Mercy’s self defence lessons.

She watches Kara’s footing. It sloppy. She bouncing to much. That is something she can use. Lena makes sure her feet are placed properly. She strikes forward. Kara doges her, but barely. She uses the moment Kara is of balance to throw another punch that connects to her shoulder. She moves forward towards Kara while throwing punches. Kara defends herself walking backwards. Kara’s heals hit the edge of the mat. Kara catches her arm and pulls Lena a bit to her side using Lena’s own momentum. Kara steps on her hip. Next thing Lena notices is Kara siting on her shoulders. Kara uses her feet and legs to grip her neck and upper body. Kara’s weight shifts back. Lena loses balance. Her whole body is in the air for a moment. In a swift motion Kara’s hand hit the ground. Lena’s feet hit the ground first, but that doesn’t help her. Her feet slips back since her weight it far too much forward. Her hands hit the ground next. With still too much momentum her body hits the ground.

Fuck what was she thinking. That opening was far to obvious. “That is for spilling my secret to a stranger. Very mature!” Kara screams at her. Lena jumps up. “You fooled me.” She jumps around to face Kara and strikes forward. “You made me look an idiot! Everyone knew! But your couldn’t trust the Luthor!” Lena spits at her while trying to kick Kara again. “You never saw me as anything else! You used me! You only spied on me. Friend! Pff!” she pauses to catch her breath. “Keep your friends close, you enemies closer! You took that to whole new level!” Lena breaths heavy. “You used me. You toyed with my heart like it was nothing!” Lena’s voice is full of venom as she continues punching and kicking Kara. “You used James. He was just spying for you! Did he ever really like me?!” Lena sobs tears stream down her cheeks. “I bet you two still had something going. Why would he ever choose the Luthor?! If he could have the Super?! I was always just second choice!” Lena’s breathing is ragged. “I bet you wanted him to tell me about breaking into my volt. Make sure Lena believe you’re on her side! Well it worked, didn’t it?” Lena’s eyes are wide with a wild expression her face now. “You are just like them. Like Lilian and Lex. No! You’re worse than that! Where ever you go you lie! You elute everyone! Everything you do is lie and hurt people!” Kara sniffs tears running down her cheeks. Lena loses control. She punches and kick at Kara until Kara is on the ground. Lena kneels on her chest, pressing her into the ground. Her hands are on Kara’s throat. Kara is gasping for air. “Lena.”, she chokes. Recognizing her own name being said by Kara's broken voice snaps her out of it.

She looks at her hand on Kara’s throat. She sees Kara choke, with tear track running down her face. She moves her shaking hands away from Kara’s throat. Her eyes burn with tears. Her cheeks wet. She stares at her hands, unbelievingly. Her senses are overflooding as if she can feel every cell in her body. Standing up slowly, she feels her entire body shake. She steps a few staggering steps away from Kara. What just happen? She turns away from Kara. What did she do?! What was she about to do?! Her tears a flowing down her cheek. She was willing to kill her. She was willing to kill her best friend, her only friend. She hears Kara sit up. She can practically feel Kara’s eyes burning in her back. She can’t. She can’t face Kara. She can’t look at Kara and be forgiven. So, she just stares at her hands, while her tears drop down on them.

The light goes back to its normal colour. “Lena?” Kara asks softly. Lena just takes her bag and heads to the door. “I almost killed Alex once. I wanted to kill her.”, Kara states. Lena stops in her track. She doesn’t turn around though. “Come sit.”, Kara asks softly. When she does turn around, she sees Kara sitting with crossed legs on the floor. She pads the space next to her. Lena slowly put her bag down again.

She sits down next to Kara, mimicking her position. “Maxwell Lord tried to create Kryptonite, to set a trap for my aunt. But he got it wrong. It messed with my brain. It was like I couldn’t control my thoughts. Every bad idea, every bad thought I ever had, it all came to the surface and I couldn’t stop it. I threw Cat Grant of a CatCo’s balcony just to prove a point. The things I said to Alex were horrible. And when she started to cry, I laughed about it. When the DEO found a way to reverse the effect, they confronted me. I didn’t care if there where officers in the cars I blew up. I broke Alex arm, knocking her over. I was flying in front of her with glowing eyes. I would have killed her, if J’onn hadn’t stopped me.”

“Kara.”, Lena interrupts soft. “You can’t blame yourself for that. You were drugged.” Kara shakes her head. “I know it’s not the same. But the thing is while it lowered my inhibitions, it didn’t put anything new in my head. It only brought out things that were already there. Some of the things I said, I didn’t even know that they were there.” They stay silent for a long while.

“I am sorry I lied to you for so long. There is no excuse for that. I …”, Kara struggles with her words. “Why did you?”, Lena jumps in. Kara sighs. “There are a million reasons I could give you. I guess what they all have in common is that I was scared.” Lena huffs. “Of course. I am Luthor afterall.” Kara vigorously shakes her heat. “No! I was never scared of you. First, I was scared that someone might use it against you. And then I was scared you would hate me, for lying. I was about to tell you on the way back from Kaznia, but then you held that stupid speech!”, Kara huffs frustrated. “How I was always honest. I…I just couldn’t do it. You should have just turned around!” “Oh!”, Lena sounds almost disappointed. A moment later “What!”, Lena asks unbelievingly. “Well you should have!”, she huffs at Kara. Kara laughs bitter. “I should have told yout far earlier. Like after the Daxemite invasion! Or something like that. I was just being a coward.” “Kara you are not a coward!”, says with a firm voice. But Kara doesn’t have any of it. “Yes, I am!” Lena shakes her head but ignores Kara’s statement. “So how did it work out? The whole red Kryptonite thing.”

“J’onn was able to get me under control long enough for Alex to shoot the cure at me. When I woke up back at the DEO, Alex was standing next to my bed with a cast on her arm. She looked at me and told me that I was her sister and that she loved me no matter what.” Kara ends with a thick voice. Lena watches her from the side. Looking up Kara blinks a few tears away. Taking a deep breath, she continues. “It took me weeks to regain the cities trust. I even assemble IKEA tables.”, she laughs half hearted. Lena stays silent. She vaguely remembers hearing something about Supergirl going rough. She had no idea it was that bad.

“IKEA tables? Really?”, Kara smiles weakly. “Yes. Didn’t work though. The people still run away from me.” “What did work?” Kara sighs. “Time and patience. I just refused to give up.” Lena looks at her thoughtful.

“I am sorry for the things I said. Some of them were really out of line. I …”, Kara pulls her into a hug. “I told you before. You are family. And you say the things you have to say and I will still love you.” Lena swallows hard. She pulls away defensively. “I was willing to kill you.” “But you didn’t! You stopped!” Kara looks at her determined. “I was so angry. I just lost control. What if I am slowly turning into Lex?” Kara grabs her should and twist Lena around to look at her. “Look at me!”, she demands. Kara’s eyes shine a dark blue, full of determination but are soft at the same time. “I know it’s scary, but you’re not alone! I will be here and will we figure all of this out, together. I am not going to let you turn into Lex, ever!” Kara stares at her for a moment. “Come here.” She pulls Lena into another hug. This time Lena lets her and after a moment she hugs her back. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”, she asks. “Is anything we do ever easy?” Kara asks back. Lena sighs. After a few minutes she pulls back.

“So, who is Lucy?” Kara crinkles her nose. “I overheard you talk.”, she explains further. “Right.” Kara drops on her back looking at the sealing. “Lucy is a long story.” Lena falls back next to her. “To make it short. She is James Ex from Metropolis. Worked at CatCo for a while. Committed treason with me to safe Alex and J’onn. Then we ran the DEO together for a few weeks before myriad. Now she works at the Pentagon as a lawyer and is a legal adviser to the DEO.” “Colourful backstory.” “She is Louis Lane little sister. What do you expect? They are always competing who has the crazier life.” “Who wins?” “I think Louis has won that for life, considering she is about to marry Superman and give birth to a Half-Kryptonian.” Lena shoots up, staring down at Kara. “W …What!” Kara shrugs. “Well we do happen to have a life.” Lena shakes her head unbelievingly and drops back down.

“So about last night …”, Lena starts but Kara interrupts her lifting her hand. “We are not talking about that. Don’t let it happen again. For the sake of my secret and your health.” Lena nods. “Thanks for getting me out of there.”

“We really are a bunch of messed up weirdos, aren’t we?”, Kara asks. Lena sighs. “Can’t argue with that.”

There is a loud growl. Lena looks at Kara. “What the hell was that?” Kara blushes. “Mmm well, haven’t eaten in a while.”, she says with a wicked grin. Lena’s eyes go wide. “Big Belly Burger?”, she asks. “Back in a jiffy.” Kara is gone in a gush of wind.

Lena shakes her head. “Guess I am getting changed.”, she talks to herself. Grabbing her gym bag, she heads back to the locker room. She is just finished putting her shoes on, when she sees Supergirl standing in the door with a goofy grin and three bags from Big Belly Burger in her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this concludes this oneshot turned into a mini fiction. I hope you enjoyed it. I really like the idea of Kara finding a way to help Lena though everything that happend, by telling her about her own experinces.  
> I know I really pushed Lena here, but in order to rise you need to fall first.  
> Let me know what you think of this.


End file.
